Poor Me: The Pity Pot Chronicles
How do people find a reason to live? I know why they do, but I have no idea how they find them. Like my dog is the closest thing I have to a reason to live. I guess I should say my nephews and niece. Truth is, they're already bitter about life and would get over it if I was gone. My dog will get over me too, but I'm worried about who will make sure is taken care of, if I'm gone. I can't think of something I want bad enough. This is just rambling, Im too chicken to kill myself.
I had a job at 7-11 last month. I was there all of 3 weeks and I'd say I worked an average of 2-3 days per week. The manager and I never were on a personal basis. One day I come in and he starts critcizing me for things that have to do with my personal life, not work related stuff. I decided I didn't want to work for this jerk off, because he seemed miserable. I think he is miserable because he works for his sister's husband. That is no reason to take it out on me. So I never came the next day I had to work.
I'm miserable, but I don't go out of my way to make others miserable. That's just insane. I'm afraid to 'dream' anymore, because I don't really know how to make those dreams come true. It seems the older I get, the things I want are not things I can actually control or make happen. The less I am sure what life is for or about.
I used to aspire to be some sort of professional, but the truth is, I haven't got a chance. There is always someone else more acceptable when I go for a job, gender wise, age wise, race wise, and experience wise. Looks like life has passed me by. What's even more scary is that there are probably billions of others sitting home right now that have come to the same conclusions.
The rest of this week, I will look for something positive. I'm not doing anymore gratitude lists. Yuck!
